


Your mind's about to fall

by musetrash



Category: Muse (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Drugs, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Friendship/Love, M/M, Mind Control, Mind Manipulation, Recovery, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-12 09:53:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4474853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musetrash/pseuds/musetrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How much deception can you take? How many lies will you create? How much longer until you break? Your mind's about to fall. And they're breaking through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story that I've been working on a while. As you can see from the tags it contains pretty rough stuff, so I suggest you read with your own caution. Feedback is more that appreciated :)  
> Basically this is just belldom so yeah, hope you enjoy.

_Please. Someone make it stop…_

 

_Every bone, every muscle and every cell in my body is desperately screaming. No words, no nothing - just destroying screaming pumping through my veins. I can hear the screaming, the pleading, the anger. I can hear it all._

_I can feel how my body is made of thin paper. I know I’m just paper getting ripped at every edge, burned in a lighter flame and disappearing into thin air. Every meaningful word melting in the burning flame, every feeling and every memory written on the sheet of paper that is me, is gone._

_Oh how words can be grating. How only a few words can cause agony and pain, how only a couple insignificant words can turn into a suffocating mess. Maybe you wouldn’t think about words that way. You’d think that they don’t mean anything, that they can’t hurt you. But in some cases simple words can ravel everything that you have inside your skull. They make you question it all. They smother you, find their way to your happy place… All this to cause you pain._

_When my skin is turning purple and the floor is staining red I can feel the familiar resonating through my body that has been made into a piece of art. Apostasy has taken over, just like they wanted. I’m letting them consume my thoughts and every last bit of the human I still am inside my fragile mind._

_Until it stops. It all just stops right there. There are no pairs of hands on my skin creating more of that art. There are no lies whispered into my ear anymore. Just the deafening silence that cuts through my delicate skin deeper than any blade ever could. And then I can catch a voice, low and raspy, sounding almost defeated._

_“He doesn’t… He isn’t suitable.”_

_Suitable? Suitable for what? It’s almost like they heard my question I was only thinking of. Then there was a second voice, a little softer, almost soothing even._

_"What do you mean?”_

_“Are you fucking stupid? Can’t you see the resistance? He isn’t going to give in no matter how long we continue. We are only wasting resources and supplies for nothing here! It isn’t working! His mental stage was already vulnerable when he was brought here. We need someone else, our time is going to run out sooner than we think…”_

_I didn’t hear the rest of the weird conversation. Everything was just aching more and more every second that went past. I could say I felt a sense of elation when the room around me blurred and the masked faces left my eyesight. I was done for today._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dom is broken...

That was the second night in a row when Dominic Howard didn’t sleep. That was the second night in a row when he lay in his king sized bed staring at the boring ceiling. Normally when you can’t sleep it’s because you simply have too much going on in your head. But for those two nights Dominic had nothing in his head, not a clear thought nor a less clear one. His thoughts could sometimes be one hell of a hurricane, but recently he had lost the power of thinking almost completely.

You see, Dominic’s heart was broken. It was broken approximately three weeks ago by a girl who he really held dear. He had thought that they were a really happy couple and that everything was how it was supposed to be. They went out for fancy dinners, enjoyed shagging here and there, and whispered love confessions into each other’s ears in the morning. But apparently Dom was having a one-sided relationship with this girl without knowing it himself. And when it comes to the breaking up part and how Dom was pretty nastily dumped… What could you expect more than a broken heart?

So for three whole weeks Dominic Howard has been locked up in his house, barely ever leaving outside. In that time he has watched an unhealthy amount of weird cooking shows and a whole lot of movies that all turned out to be complete garbage. That’s his way of coping with a heart that was basically ripped from his chest and stumped on multiple times until it could barely pump enough blood to his system in order to stay alive.

 

……………….

 

Dom had just shifted into a comfortable position under the covers to finally get some sleep when there was a knock on his door. He sighed and pulled the covers over his head in attempt to mute the knocking, but the person at the door didn’t seem to give up that easily. He tried to open his eyes but regretted the decision the same second. There wasn’t a curtain covering the huge window in his quite large bedroom, the result being the bright morning sun trying to blind him. It probably didn’t help that he was having one of the worst hangovers ever, thanks to all the random stuff he downed yesterday evening whilst watching yet another low-budget movie.

As he had nothing left to lose, he got out of the bed and cursed for not getting any sleep in what felt like forever. As he strolled down the hallway approaching the front door, he passed a mirror but didn’t bother to look at himself. He knew quite well what not being able to sleep plus a hangover could do to his appearance which he always took good care of.

Yawning with a wide mouth he opened the door only to find his best friend Chris looking back at him with a stare that told pretty well what Dom looked like. He kept staring back with narrow eyes and a frown on his face.

“So you’re just going to stand there and stare at me like you’ve never seen me before?” Chris complained and pushed his best friend aside to enter the house. It took Dom a while to address what happened so he just closed the door and turned around to see Chris looking around in complete horror.

“Are you kidding me? This place looks like a tornado swept through! There’s trash everywhere and bottles and…” he didn’t finish his sentence when he took a few steps closer to his blond friend who looked like he was about to faint out of exhaustion.

“Are you alright?” When Chris managed to get the sentence out of his mouth, he realised that it was pretty obvious his friend wasn’t okay. The dozen empty bottles of some brand of alcohol he couldn’t recognise helped to make that statement.

A moment of silence occurred before Dom’s quiet whimpers broke it. A shiver of responsibility ran down Chris’ back and he took the smaller man into a warm embrace. It was one of the two’s special things they always did – Dom buried his lean body into Chris’ bigger one like a son to a father. He spilled all of his fears and every worry that went through his mind into his friend’s broad chest. And this phenomenon happened quite often.

After some time the two mates found themselves on Dom’s sofa right next to each other, Chris listening carefully what the other man had to say. Chris was a good listener and that became handy with a person like Dom. How many times Chris had listened to his friend’s worries and insecurities without a doubt was uncountable. He liked to help and most of the time just holding Dom and encouraging him seemed to do the job. This time was different though. There seemed to be no end to Dom’s tears that were puddled inside him for three weeks. He always swore to himself not to cry or to seem weak but everyone has their breaking point, don’t they?

“And after that s-she just said I meant n-n-nothing to her! Can you believe it? S-she used me, Chris! She b-bloody used me!!” Dom tried to yell but all that came out was a weak whimper. “I loved her! I really did. I’ve never loved anyone that much...”

Dom pressed his body closer to his friend and placed his head on Chris’ shoulder. They both knew the conversation had closed. Sighing, Chris grabbed to hold his friend’s hand and hummed as softly as ever: “Everything will be alright. Don’t worry about it.”

And with that Dom fell into a calm, deep sleep for the first time in over 48 hours.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Umm, wait. Yes, his name is Matthew."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cursive writing means it happened in the past, normal writing is present.

_”Hold on a second. Mind repeating what you just said?”_

_“_ _Oh, um, sorry sir. I said that your methods are not showing the required result to complete the program.”_

_“My methods have absolutely no faults in them, you shithead. Do you not know how many years we have used in order to build this program, huh? Do you not know how long we have waited to finish all the possible calculations to start this shit? Get out of my sight before I throw you in the cage too!”_

_“Master, he didn’t mean to mock your work. We all know your program is going to change the course of history.”_

_“Well what did your colleague mean then, hm?”_

_“We were doing our, uhh, daily routine today and we realised that there is something we didn’t notice earlier on when we started testing him… And now it’s going to cost us money, sir.”_

_“And what is this terrible, terrible mistake that has occurred?”_

_“It’s kind of complicated and…”_

_“Will you shut up and get to the point? I’m so sick of this unnecessary conversing with you two! I have other things to do as you might know. I need to run this bloody facility for instance!”_

_“I’m sorry, sir. So when the list was completed he was ranked the highest, as you know already. We started the procedure immediately after finding out he would be promising. When we managed to complete Stage 1 we already knew it had done its job. He was ready. We didn’t see any changes to his mental capability so we expected that we had succeeded.”_

_“But when we brought him here to do the final testing and to complete Stage 2, we did our calculations again and found out that he was already unstable before he was brought here. So to put this in a nutshell – Your methods have been proven not to work on subjects with unstable mental health. We don’t have an answer why this is happening, but he isn’t breaking. It’s like even the drugs have no power on him. We are just wasting time and money and resources on him for nothing…”_

_“So what you two are saying is that my program does not work on certain individuals?”_

_“Yes, sir.”_

_“How much do we have until we reach the budget?”_

_“We have already gone over with an amount you would not be happy to hear, sir.”_

_“Bloody hell… What are you suggesting that we do then?”_

_“You’re asking us what to do..?”_

_“Yes I am, and I’m also expecting to have an answer too.”_

_“Oh, alright… We did have a suggestion for you though. We were wondering if his, uh, treatment would officially be stopped and he would be released soon after he, um, recovers.”_

_“Released? You surely are a pair of idiots then. How the fuck do you think we can release him? He’s going to tell everyone and we’ll be screwed and behind bars in no time!”_

_“Unless…”_

_“Unless what?”_

_“Unless we give him a job.”_

_“As a vet in the local pet shop? To take care of little puppies and play with them all day?”_

_“No sir… I don’t mean that kind of a job. I mean that we could hire him.”_

_“Hire a subject? To do what exactly?”_

_“To get us our new rat. We can’t possibly do it ourselves without it getting suspicious. But he could. I mean he doesn’t really have anyone out there to recognise him, does he? We eliminated everyone in Stage 1 like you said, so he could easily snitch us a new subject.”_

_“True… What is this subject’s name that we are now hiring to get us somebody more suitable? Bloody hell this sounds ridiculous…”_

_“Umm, wait. Yes, his name is Matthew.”_

_“Alright then. Matthew. You just got yourself a job. You two go talk to this Matthew of ours and convince him somehow to do this. The list of promising subjects is right here, find who is second on that list. And this time you won’t fuck this up, alright? Do the examination properly, we’ll use more time on this if needed. We need results as quick as possible. We are certainly running out of time and options.”_

_“Sir, yes, sir.”_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to get twisted..

”Shit!”

Dominic jolted awake when he heard a loud yell and crash that was pretty much the same level in volume as the scream. Cold shivers instantly travelled across his body warning him about an intruder.

Before doing anything else he checked the clock which showed him the time of 6.25 PM. Sure, looking at the clock first in a situation like this was a bit foolish. Dominic just didn’t want to admit being foolish and instead blamed his actions on being realistic though he had no clue what realism had to do with anything.

For a brief moment he forgot that someone was in his house and felt a wave of relief for actually getting some sleep into his system. He felt nearly good for once, like a huge weight had been lifted of his shoulders. He tried to remember what happened before he fell asleep, but couldn’t remember one bit.

“Who’s there? Who the fuck is there!?” Without really thinking through what he should do, he was already slipping words out of his mouth. He slowly slid from the sofa, throwing the blanket away that he was lying under. Dom felt cold sweat gathering around his palms as he waited for an answer. Standing up made his head pound and he almost declared his whole apartment about his terrible pain, but instead just groaned deeply from his throat.

Why was he holding back when he had already revealed himself by yelling like an idiot?

_Silence. Footsteps. Approaching footsteps. Oh god, oh god, oh god…_

When Dom was sure he would freak out and call the cops, he saw a familiar body emerging from behind a corner that led to the small kitchen of his. Chris… Fucking hell, it was just Chris, he thought to himself and released a breath he didn’t realise he was holding.

“I was sure I woke you up. Sorry mate”, Chris mumbled and looked at his feet. Dom let out a quiet laugh and looked at his friend who had the face of absolute embarrassment. He ran his hand through his damp blond hair and exhaled again.

“No, it’s totally okay! I did sleep for almost seven hours. That should be enough for now. Oh, also, I am pretty sure I heard a crash of some kind? And you screaming like a girl, hm?” Dom teased. He walked to his friend and gave his arm a little playful punch. As he walked Dom admitted to himself that he was still hungover. The room seemed to be swaying from side to side and his walking became more unsure with every step he took.

“Ow, you wanker. And yes, I might have dropped a plate on the floor whilst making you dinner. Or breakfast. Or lunch. Or whatever it is to you at this time of day anyway”, Chris said lowing his voice towards the end. Dom let out a small chuckle at his friend’s clumsiness. Dom usually was the clumsy one who dropped glasses and stumbled upon his own feet.

“Wait… You were cooking? Chris Wolstenholme was cooking? For me? What a world I live in!” Dom chirped and continued his way to the kitchen, his ashamed friend following behind.

“Shut up or I won’t give you any of the delicious pasta I made with Kelly’s recipe!” Chris growled but letting a small smile appear on his face. Though Dom was probably going to kill him for smashing a plate he already had the minimum amount of.

 

\-------------------------------------

 

When they sat across each other at Dom’s dinner table enjoying the pasta Chris made, to Dom’s surprise Chris was actually a great cook, Dom noticed Chris fidgeting in his seat. He always did that when he had something to talk about but wasn’t quite sure how to put it. He looked uncomfortable and his face was a bit flustered.

“Chris you know that I know you well enough”, Dom informed continuing to shove the pasta into his mouth. “I know you have something to tell me”, he continued with a full mouth.

“Oh yeah... Right. I’m sorry”, Chris mumbled without a thought. The blonde gave him a confused look and motioned for his friend to say what he had to say.

“I’m worried about you Dom. I mean yeah it might sound kind of dumb, but you haven’t left your house in like forever. Not that I have been stalking you or anything… I just know you haven’t left this place ever since… You know. You don’t really answer my calls or anything and I had to make sure you were still alive by coming here earlier today. Are you sure everything is okay? Because I don’t really think so. You can talk to me, you know if there’s more to this… thing, alright?”

Dom looked at Chris with amazement and still a hint of confusion. He never knew that his friend actually cared this much. Chris was his best friend, but he never thought he actually cared about him. It was weird hearing someone ask if he was okay, Dom could admit that. No one had really ever asked him that. Definitely not after his parents died in a car crash when he was a teenager, there was nobody to ask him how he was doing.

“Yes Chris, I am alright. Thanks for being here, really. You didn’t have to”, Dom muttered and poked the pasta around on the plate with his fork. He didn’t want to talk about whatever was going on in his head right now. He just wanted to finish his meal and go back to sleep.

“Oh I did have to, you idiot. You are my friend Dom, and I care about you and that you’re okay. You need to accept the fact that I care about you. You are part of my family, you know. And because I care about you _oh so much_ , I’m not taking a negative response to the question I’m about to ask.” Chris silenced for a few moments letting his friend get suspicious of what he was going to say.

“So tonight I’m taking you to a party. You still know what a party is, Dominic?” Chris teased and took a forkful of pasta in his mouth. After swallowing and getting annoyed looks from Dom, he continued. “It’s a birthday party to be specific. This girl from high school is throwing one up and invited me. The invitation said I could bring someone with me and I thought this would be a good chance for you to loosen yourself a bit, you know? I mean you could see real people and maybe engage in a conversation with one too!”

To be quite honest, Dominic was not a friend of parties. Well he was, but not anymore. Before he was in a relationship he always found himself at someone’s house he had probably never even met. He liked having fun and he liked the attention he always seemed to get. Until one specific party ended up being his ball and chain that he sank with until he reached the bottom three weeks ago. Then he was freed but for some reason he stayed at the bottom of the deep blue sea. He didn’t even really try to swim back up. He just sat there and waited for the salty water to invade his lungs until they gave up.

“Uhm, hello? Earth to Dominic!” Chris exclaimed snapping Dom back to reality, a reality he wasn’t necessarily happy to be in anymore.

 “I don’t really know if that’s a good idea…” he tried but Chris was having none of it.

“I’m not giving you options here mate. We are going. Be ready at around 9, my friend’s going to pick us up”, Chris lectured and left Dom sitting at the table alone, wondering, if he would ever get over his shattered heart.

 

\-------------------------------------

 

_He heard a loud thud when his cell door was first opened and then quickly closed again as if he would try to make a run for it. Only a few minutes ago he had managed to open his eyes after being blacked out for God knows how long._

_But he didn’t really care about it anymore. He didn’t care about anything really. The beatings and the attempts at brainwashing him and creating him false memories were already something that he got used to after the same routine repeated itself over and over again. The one exception that he actually cared a little was the reason why all this was happening to him. He never got a full answer out of anyone. Well no one ever talked to him about anything in the first place, so getting information was a dead end._

_He did acknowledge a presence behind him as he lay on the hard mattress facing a blank white wall, but didn’t turn around to see who it was. He didn’t want to be questioned for today at all, the usual routine earlier had already worn him out._

_“Matthew, are you awake?”_

_‘This is new’, he thought to himself. No one ever called him by his real name that he himself had almost forgotten. He usually got called by something like ‘Subject 17’ or ‘Patient #17’ or whatever. Just boring, stupid titles. His gaze roamed around the wall as if he was looking for a certain spot. ‘Go away…’_

_“Matthew, please respond when you are being called. This is not helping any of us. I know you are awake.”_

_The voice sounded somewhat different than other times. It was the same voice as every time when he had a questioning, but the voice had a softer tone to it. It normally was harsh and commanding and really hard to disobey. Now it was calming and reassuring and he could hear the person behind the voice had something to tell. He felt a sense of hope running down his spine so he decided to do as the voice told him and got into a sitting position facing the speaker._

_He froze almost instantly. His eyes widened and his heartbeat became faster than a moment before. He blinked a few times and swallowed. He looked into the person’s deep green eyes and shivered a little._

_“Are you cold, Matthew?” the person asked with a smirk appearing on his face. The man had dirty blond hair that almost reached his shoulders. He was wearing a pair of glasses too. He looked so normal, so normal, that it actually felt like a dream._

_“You- You’re…” he started weakly but the man interrupted him._

_“Yes, Matthew. I am not wearing a mask. It feels weird to me too, so no worries here.”_

_It felt so weird to him to be called Matthew. It sounded familiar yet oddly disturbing to be called that way. And that wasn’t the only thing that made him feel a bit uncomfortable. He hadn’t seen another face in what felt like years. Every person he ever saw was wearing a dark mask and a hood that covered everything. It was just weird to remember what a face could look like._

_“I am here to make a deal with you.”_

_‘A deal?’_

_“You’re not. You’re just trying to wind me up once more. Guess what? You aren’t fooling me with your stupid games!” he said raising his voice a bit. He hadn’t talked in a while and so his voice was hoarse and it scratched his throat to speak._

_“And that is exactly why I am here with you today.” The man poked his glasses up with his finger and exhaled loudly. “You see, Matthew, I have an offer for you and I suggest that you are obedient because I don’t want you any harm.”_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why am I not dead yet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this might seem confusing, but it'll open up to you. Just wait for it.

_’What the hell is he talking about?’ Matthew asked himself in total confusion. It’s not like he was faced with almost what you could call as kindness in every day basis. It’s not like somebody actually cared about him._

_“I don’t understand… An offer?” he gulped and raised an eyebrow. He was still shivering and his thoughts were blurring together quickly. Matthew’s eyes wanted desperately to glow out of hope but he didn’t want the man to know how easy he was to tempt._

_“Yes, an offer. And like I said, we both sure want to elude all forms of trouble right now. I must assure you, I am not intriguing anything against you, Matthew. I am on your side.”_

_‘On my side… Nobody’s on my side.’ he thought._

_The man looked at him curiously as if he could sense Matthew weighing the different options. Well, one option to be exact._

_“I know this has been a rough time for you, but I have faith in you. You should have faith in yourself too”, the man encouraged and started to pace around the small cell Matthew had gotten used to calling as his home by now._

_“Okay.”_

_“Okay what?”_

_“I’m listening”, Matthew breathed and felt the shivering increase with every second passing. What the fuck did the man want from him? Was he a friend or just trying to wind him up like everyone else here? What is going on?_

_The blond man stopped pacing and turned to face Matthew with such an intense gaze, Matthew couldn’t look away. The man took a slow inhale and crossed his hands on his chest, the movement making his black button up wrinkle._

_“I know you must be curious and that you are frustrated about knowing so little about why this all had to happen to you and to you specifically. I am here to explain some things though unfortunately I can’t provide you with a full truth”, the man’s voice echoing into Matthew’s ears._

_Lowering his gaze, Matthew brought his knees to his chest and tangled his long pale fingers in his raven hair. He sighed and repeated the man’s words slowly in his head trying to find hints of the whole thing just being a huge joke. He tried and tried, repeated and repeated, but the man sounded brutally honest._

_Matthew noticed that the man had continued talking. He watched his mouth form into different shapes but he couldn’t catch anything. He was too busy analysing the first few sentences the man spoke._

_“Hold on… I’m so-sorry, uh, could you repeat that?” he stuttered barely out loud. His grip on his dark locks tightened and the anticipation of what the man was trying to offer him was killing him slowly and painfully._

_“Calm down Matthew. I’m not trying to murder you here. You know that is not the goal nor it ever was.”_

_“Please elaborate”, Matthew answered him, getting a hint of confidence in his tiny voice._

_“Elaborate what, Matthew?” the man asked looking slightly confused. The intense look in his green eyes was burning under Matthew’s skin. Matthew could feel the man trying to catch his eyes though he wasn’t looking at him. He could just sense the staring._

_“Why am I not dead yet?” Matthew heard himself asking. When he realised what he had just said he jumped a bit and felt himself growing nervous._

_“You are not dead because nobody ever wanted you dead. We couldn’t let you die, Matthew. Our work would have gone to waste.”_

_‘We’, Matthew thought to himself the word lingering on his tongue. ‘We…’_

_“What work? What are you talking about? Why the fuck am I here?” he raised his voice a minimum amount trying desperately to sound at least a bit threatening without really succeeding in the attempt._

_“I shouldn’t…”_

_“Yes you should, Mr I-have-no-identity. I do deserve an explanation to why I’m here!”_

_He started to feel blood rushing faster in his body, feeling the pounding of his heart in his fingertips. He untangled his fingers from his hair and let them fall on his lap. For a moment he kept his head down, studying his hands before raising his gaze to meet the man’s. Once again Matthew shivered, feeling cold, unprotected and alone for no clear reason._

_“I know you do… But I’m not authorised to tell you that information”, the man said and Matthew’s face falling with disappointment. “But”, he continued, “I can clear some things up for you. Do not interrupt me, I don’t have much time to waste for silly questions, alright?”_

_Matthew nodded in understanding and let the man tell him everything that he had been craving to know for months._

_“You are special, Matthew. Really, really special. That is why I’m making you an offer. During the time you have spent here with us, we noticed some unique qualities to your brain and your whole being. Because of these, umm, qualities of yours, we have decided to make you an offer. We would set you free and end your… program and give you a job. But we are only setting you free if you accept to do this job and if you succeed in it”, the man blurted everything in one go making a very, very confused Matthew._

_Everything the man tried to explain went in through one ear and out from the other. Matthew understood nothing. He tried to listen carefully but his mind wandered off somewhere else. He remembered everything they had done to him, how much pain they had caused. The man’s words felt surreal and too good to be true. He did finally get an answer of some kind, even though he didn’t really understand any of it._

_“I… I don’t understand…” Matthew started to grow agitated and anxious for not understanding the man. “Can’t you really tell me anything more? Please, I don’t understand any of this”, he repeated with his eyes starting to sting. He wasn’t going to cry, he wasn’t going to cry, he wasn’t going to…_

_The man brushed his hands through his blond locks as he looked at the small, innocent looking man slowly curling into a ball on the mattress. He looked into his despair filled blue eyes that were glistening in the bright light of the cell._

_Truth might hurt sometimes, but the man knew he didn’t have a choice anymore. He had to tell the truth and the absolute truth only. Matthew wasn’t going to like any of it, the man himself wasn’t going to like any of it and the authorities were not going to like any of it being told. After all they were all humans, Matthew the most in this case. He was vulnerable and shattered. He deserved the truth._

_“Matthew…” the man began with an unsure expression on his now pale face. He was scared that he was going to be punished for what he was about to tell. But looking at the man opposite him that had suffered every day for the past few months made his stomach turn in disgust. How awful had they been to him… It wasn’t human._

_“Please listen up, Matthew. I will tell you everything, okay? I know I will get in huge trouble for this, but you have to know. You have to… Just please listen up for a few minutes, please?”_

_Matthew grunted quietly, wiping his eyes to clear his vision of tears and he sat back up._

_“You were being tested. You were being tested by these horrible people that wanted nothing more than to hurt you. They wanted to destroy you and everything you held dear. To rip your memories away, to change your personality, to remove your soul and replace it with something they would plant in you. But they failed, Matthew. You were stronger than them. And now they are hunting for someone else to suffer because they are getting impatient. You need to understand that you have no choice. You have to agree to do everything you are told to do or we will all get in huge trouble. They will kill you, Matthew. They will kill me and everybody on that bloody list. Except the one they need. You were impure when we brought you here and we realised it too late. There is someone that is more suitable for their needs and they need you to bring them here, Matthew. You need to do that for the sake of everyone. We need to stop this madness, but we can’t do it without sacrificing.”_

_Matthew listened with his blood freezing cold, his eyes fixated somewhere behind the man. His hands were blue, his mind completely blank and his body shaking like a leaf. He was gasping for air but his lungs didn’t seem to obey his commands. There was a lump in his throat and the same stinging was back in his eyes, familiar from a few minutes ago. He felt numb and scared. He couldn’t move even though he wanted to, his legs falling asleep._

_“You need to bring the person here, Matthew. You absolutely have to. They are giving you some time so you can convince the person and work your magic properly, the magic they taught you. You need to get close to them, gain trust and then attack. But be careful, Matthew. One mistake and you don’t get a second chance.”_

_One mistake…_

_“They’ll release you soon, maybe this week. Do everything exactly as you are being told. Do not put your emotions in the game, you hear me? Now take this list, the second most promising after you, find them, bring them here and we’ll end this. Are you clear?”_

_No, he was definitely everything but clear. He could feel himself losing consciousness, everything around him blurring slowly. Find them… But who? And where?_

_“The master will see you sometime this week before you get released. He will sum your mission up. I just had to tell it to you myself or I’d regret not doing it for the rest of my life. This is confusing, I know. But you have to promise me that you’ll be careful. Study the list, Matthew. Study the list.”_

_After that Matthew didn’t hear anything. He saw the blond man walking out the cell and before he closed the door he gave Matthew a final glance. His mouth was curved up in what you could call a smile, but his eyes weren’t giving out the same smile. Before Matthew lost the man from his sight, he saw how the man’s blond hair disappeared under a hood and how he pulled on a black mask that covered his face. Then he disappeared as fast as he had appeared in the first place._

_Matthew held the file in his cold, almost lifeless hands and opened to the second page where he would find his target. Before everything went completely black he could focus his eyes on a name._

_“Dominic Howard.”_


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics is supposed to be a flashback :)

Dominic didn’t remember the last time he smiled. A proper, real, contagious smile. He owned one hell of a smile and always got compliments for it. He got excited about things really easily and he liked to show his enthusiasm towards whatever was in question. He wanted to feel laughter bubbling deep in his stomach and laugh until tears would stream down his face. He simply wanted to be able to feel something again. Everything around him had turned dull and empty and the weight of it all had numbed his body all the way to his still beating heart. Dominic had been running in circles around happiness without never actually reaching it. All he was doing was feeding his own decease with the self-loathing and paranoia of being left alone again.

So when Chris suggested, or demanded, him to go to a party to freshen up his thoughts and just have fun for the first time in ages, Dom felt a bit scared. He was scared to leave his house after all he had seen in a while were the familiar and safe cream coloured walls. He was also terrified of the people he would eventually have to interact with. He knew he couldn’t just fade into a corner as that would attract even more attention that he wanted in the first place. It was weird how his mind had completely changed about everything that had to do with being the life of the party. Wasn’t really his place anymore after all that happened.

Dominic shook his head in attempt of brushing the thoughts off. He started to overthink really easily and lately the problem had swollen into something uncontrollable. He would get stuck in the never ending ride, wanting to pull the steering wheel but completely unable to do anything else but keep his foot on the gas pedal.

Chris had commanded Dom to go and have a nap so he wouldn’t pass out of exhaustion at the party later on. Dom had tried to protest and say that he wasn’t tired, but he knew his body was craving sleep and rest after not getting any in a while. Dom’s mind though wasn’t being cooperative. It’s like his mind didn’t want him to rest at all. So he ended up tossing and turning in the sheets that eventually got stuck on his clammy body.

\-----------------------

_“You worthless son of a bitch! Why can’t you do what you’re told? Just looking at your pathetic face makes me gag!”_

_“Don’t look at me like that and do your fucking job like you should, you piece of shit!”_

_“We didn’t want you anyway! It’s not like we need such an excuse of a human to be in our way!”_

_“You’re not our son and you never were! If you were our son, you’d know how to fucking respect your parents that provide you with everything you need!”_

_Last graceful touch with the brush on a canvas that held a masterpiece. With a shaking left hand he let the brush fall on the ground, slipping away from his reach like everything else in his life did. He stared at the beautiful mess of colours he had created on the canvas once blank and dull. It held his soul, everything he had to express, every emotion he felt._

_For someone who didn’t understand art it would’ve looked like a chaos. They would see nothing but the chaos. They wouldn’t see further than that. They wouldn’t understand why the canvas held the colours it did in that specific pattern. They wouldn’t understand what made the artist to do so. A person who didn’t understand art wouldn’t see the pain and the roughness of the brushstrokes or the hope in the lighter ones. All they would see was a mess of unorganised colours that made no further sense. No meaning._

_What Dominic came to realise from a very young age, was that people can’t be trusted. Of course you can create an illusion of trust, but it’s never quite real. It never extends to the level of being able to trust one’s life to someone else’s hands. Even the people around you are full of deceit._

_Allowing to glance at his painting once more, to feel the pain one last time, he grabbed the painting still wet of fresh paint. The canvas wasn’t too big, he could easily carry it around with seeing over it. With silent steps he walked out of his room completely aware that nobody was home. He held the painting like it was something his life depended on as he strolled down the stairs and into the living room. He kneeled in front of the fireplace still holding the painting, his rather skinny fingers smudging the edges. That moment was something so sincere and real, a moment where anyone would tear up. But Dominic felt nothing in his heart. He didn’t even feel like he should feel anything. Every emotion, every tear he could have spilled, was now painted on the canvas, away from bothering him._

_The fire sparked in front of him, creating warmth he hadn’t gotten to experience in ages. Looking at how the flames danced peacefully, swallowing the blocks of wood that were turning into ashes, made Dominic calm. He took in a long breath and shoved the painting into the flames that instantly started to lick its edges with hunger. The once completely white canvas, then covered with meaningful colours was turning into ash in front of Dominic’s eyes and he watched as hours of pain got burned into nothing. Hours of pain that was no longer._

_The world is full of bad people. There are different kinds of bad people but each and every one of them own a poisoned heart. Or none at all. Dominic’s parents just so happened to be one of those bad people who then had to pay for their sins in a nasty way. Dominic knew what his parents were like. He knew what they did to him and how they treated him was wrong, so very wrong. In fact, that is why Dominic felt no sorrow anymore. Justice had found its way through a maze and he was set free. Only he didn’t know that wasn’t quite true._

\-----------------------

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that you absolutely need to come with me. You know yourself I’m not giving you any options, like I have made myself clear various times today, Howard”, Chris said whilst making the last checks on his outfit he had had on the whole day.

“Yes, your bum looks good in those jeans but would you please look at me when I talk to you because I really am not in the mood for partying”, Dom whined, his tone sounding like a little kid who wanted his mum to buy him chocolate for dinner.

“Shut up. I know you are really messed up right now. But you are just going to go more and more insane if you spend an hour more in this hellhole all by yourself. You need something else in your life than this, you know.” Chris stepped away from the mirror and walked closer to Dom. He knew how hard it was for Dom to face a situation that reminded him of all the horrible things he had gone through lately. Chris knew it wasn’t just the breakup itself that messed his friend’s head completely. It just worked as a spark that ignited a bigger fire that then got out of control and spread like no tomorrow.

“Please don’t start this conversation. I’d rather not go alright? I don’t feel like going and that should be a reason enough for you. I’m not going, the end”, Dom argued burying his face in his hands as if he was trying to rub the exhaustion out.

Chris seemed to think for a moment, trying to form words that would make Dom believe he had to get out of his house even if that was only for a few hours. He crossed his arms and stared at the blond who was seemingly feeling uncomfortable.

“Come on mate. We don’t have to stay for long, I promise. Just to get you out of here, we can leave when you feel like it, okay? I don’t know how I should try to make you understand that this is what you need, Dom. You need fresh air. People. You need anything else but drowning yourself in your thoughts. Trust me. I know you well enough.”

If Dom was completely honest, a small part of him wanted to go. Something was telling him he had to be there and that he in no way could miss that exact party. He didn’t know what it was that was slowly pulling him towards saying yes. What bad could a small party do? People go there to have fun and to just let go of everything for a while. Isn’t that the whole point of partying? Having fun and meeting friends?

Dom shifted his weight from one foot to the other and weighed his options. He could go and actually try to have fun for once. But he knew that it would probably go horribly wrong and he would have a breakdown at the centre of the dancefloor. Not that he was going to be found there anyway.

He could also stay inside his safe little home where every corner was familiar to him and all the scents from candles and air fresheners made him feel comfortable. He could spend another day all by himself and try to ignore everything that was going on his head.

“I don’t know about that man… I don’t even know anyone there. I don’t particularly want to get drunk again and start with the whole famous after-breakup one night stands”, Dom doubted whilst looking down at his socked feet. He didn’t really know what he was getting at. He had no absolute idea. It would’ve been dumb and a little embarrassing to suddenly chime in with an excited ‘yes’ but it also would have been outright idiotic to deny his interest in going.

“You are so complicated”, Chris sighed, clearly growing frustrated.

“I’m not complicated. I’m not anywhere near complicated. It’s just that I’m really unsure about what I should do. I mean I really want to go.”

“Then why aren’t you getting ready?”

“Because… Ugh I don’t know Chris. I just feel so weird about this. I mean it’s been awhile since I’ve actually been around other people besides going to get groceries. I don’t know, this is just stupid. I’m sorry”, Dom mumbled quickly in one breath, fumbling with his loose white t-shirt.

Chris studied his friend’s expressions for what seemed quite long. He did understand what Dom meant by everything but then again he kind of didn’t. At all. He was getting crossed signals that kept confusing him further and further. He had no idea what Dom wanted to do and pushing him didn’t seem to work. Time wasn’t on their side either. Dom was an adult, he knew when it was appropriate to go full jokes in and when not. Right?

“Just… I don’t even know anymore. I’d like for once you to say what you want to do, you know? You never do that. You always play by everyone else’s rules and never your own. You don’t have to come to please me, you can stay here if you feel this is too much for you. But you have to start opening back up again and get back on your feet. You can’t stay like this forever.”

Dominic stared at his friend with wide eyes. He didn’t know what to say. His head was full of nothing and the slightly quickening heartbeat could be heard echoing in his ears. He felt like choking, in a way. Good choking. If choking in any situation could be even half good.

The two friends kept staring at each other in the hall of Dom’s apartment. It was a comfortable silence, soothing and natural. Neither wanted to break it, but they knew they’d eventually have to do so. Dom swallowed with his mouth dry and throat itchy, starting to feel bits of nervousness returning their senses. Chris seemed to notice the small twitch Dom made out of being nervous like he had grown used to.

Chris opened his arms the second time that day and Dominic very willingly threw himself in for a warm hug. Chris’ hugs worked like magic. They always seemed to. They had a curing power that could be used in something like curing cancer or mental deceases.

This time around Dom didn’t sob. He didn’t let out a whimper or not even a tear. Nothing. He just hugged his best friend, long and as passionately as he could without it being weird. He had to admit though, Kelly was lucky to have Chris to hug whenever she felt like it.

When they separated both had smiles on their faces. Dom was smiling. He was smiling a real smile, a smile that hurt his cheeks. He felt so pure at that moment, like a wave of fresh seawater had flushed over him. He felt good for once. And he couldn’t stop smiling. He just simply couldn’t. It’s not like he even wanted to stop this sensation he had been missing for so long.

Without a word, only through a psychic connection, they agreed on what they would do that night and they both knew they would face a night they wouldn’t forget that easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also what I would like to point out is that the chapters have been really short so far, but I'm planning on writing longer ones as that is kind of required for the storyline. I also apologize for not being able to update every week or so because of school and other boring stuff. I'm still trying very hard to post this story as I enjoy writing it a lot haha. So thanks for reading so far, I hope you've enjoyed x


	7. Chapter 7

_”So you are sure what your mission is, right? You know what you are supposed to get done in a few months?”_

_“Yes, yes, just let me go now. I mean we are wasting time by you giving me this completely unnecessary talk about things that are clearer than a see-through glass door.”_

_“Giving you a job doesn’t allow you to act any differently around us. We are your employers after all.”_

_“Fine. Can I go now? I have the instructions and keys to my apartment. I don’t need any more advice. I can handle the rest on my own, thank you.”_

_“Remember Matthew, three months.”_

 

**********

 

It was one quite beautiful autumn evening when a house in southern London was starting to get crowded. Music in the house was blasting so loud the Queen probably was jamming along the beats.

The whole street was packed with cars and motorbikes, whatever the people could use to get to the huge birthday party. It was pretty obvious nobody wanted to miss out, or then the queen bee had invited literally everyone living in the 30 kilometre radius.

As it was almost mid-October it was getting a bit chilly. Dom noticed this as he walked side by side with Chris towards the party venue. Their breaths were visible with every exhale as the hot air mixed with the cold one. Dom could feel his fingers starting to numb from the cold so he shoved them in the pockets of his leather jacket he was wearing. He thought his outfit of choice looked good for once, leather jacket, white tee and plain black skinny jeans with his silver converse. Casual but cool.

“Is it that house over there?” Dom asked curiously whilst pointing at a large what could only be described as a mansion. It was right at the end of the street and by all means looked like it didn’t belong to the neighborhood the slightest.

“Isn’t it pretty clear it’s that one?” Chris chuckled as an answer and they kept walking to the direction of the bass dropping. He was looking up to the sky admiring the beautiful view.

“It’s a full moon tonight. Didn’t know about that.”

“Yeah, me neither. Looks incredible”, Dom said looking at the moon in awe, the huge space nerd he had always been.

“Magical.”

“Indeed.”

 

**********

 

Dom was not a brave person in any way. He of course liked to show off and make people see something totally different that was really inside. And especially when it came to confidence, the lack of it always seemed to crush everything and he would fall time after time again.

But that night was different. It started off with insecurities reminding of their existence but just like a switch, they had vanished into thin air. He felt freer than ever before just like the chains around him had magically broken down. The night held pure magic, it being the full moon and all. Dom wasn’t usually superstitious, but that particular night made him believe. At least for a little while.

So as Chris and the newly insecurity-free Dom reached the front door of the mansion-like house, a couple handfuls of people were staring at them. Or the other one particularly. Who wouldn’t stare after a fantastic looking blond?

“I think you were right. It does feel pretty amazing to be back in business”, Dom chuckled, pushing the front door open and strolling inside.

“Here we go”, sighed Chris and rolled his eyes.

 

**********

 

_“Wait… So if I cross here, the street should be on my left hand side, right? How fucking hard is it to give me proper instructions on how to fucking find the house?”_

_A raven haired young man crossed the street completely empty of traffic and gazed up to see the moon in its full size. What a sight, he thought and almost tripped over his own feet. Quickly looking around to make sure no one saw his clumsiness, he continued his quest in finding the right house. He could easily hear music being blasted as loud as it was possible, but still he couldn’t locate where it was coming from._

_“I should’ve asked instructions to the party too. You wanker!” he cursed to himself and hit his head with his right palm._

_This is so not going how it was supposed to go. Just remember, nice and smooth. Nice and smooth. They’re watching._

 

**********

 

The mysterious effect the night had on Dom had started to slowly fade away. It had been hours since they arrived at the house and in the span of those few hours Dom felt at ease, really. You wouldn’t have been able to tell he had been locked up in his apartment for three weeks straight. He looked like he belonged there with everyone, claiming his title as the centre of the attention. The spell didn’t last forever though, as most spells don’t.

As more and more people were drowning in the amount of alcohol in their veins Dom was completely clear headed. He swore to Chris he would stay away from the drinks considering he had consumed way more than enough of alcohol in the past weeks.

Throughout the night Dom was following Chris around and meeting all of his friends. He got introduced to a lot of new people but all the names and the faces blurred in his head and he couldn’t remember a single one.

Though Dom did actually feel more open than he thought he would, he was still struggling. If a person gave him a stare longer than normally he got a bit anxious and he shut himself off for a few minutes. It wasn’t like he wanted to do that. It was his body’s way of saying it had had enough for a while and it needed to cool down. Chris had looked after his friend with care and every time Dom felt like he couldn’t take it anymore, Chris pulled him away from the people and managed to calm him down. It was a huge help that only by talking to Dom, Chris was able to make him feel instantly better and calmer.

But as the night crawled on, Dom lost the sight of his friend. At first he didn’t think it was anything to worry about, but as more and more unknown faces started to surround him he felt the need to be calmed down again. This time, unfortunately, the help to his anxiety was far from sight.

He was standing in the corner of the stuffed living room with red and green lights lingering around him and the music pounding in his head like a migraine that decided it wanted to kill him. The room was pretty big so it fit quite a crowd in it. Mostly everyone was holding a plastic cup with a liquid substance Dom was avoiding to drink. People were certainly having fun. So much fun, no one noticed the certain blond swaying back and forth on the edge of his consciousness.

"Where the hell has he gone? He wasn’t supposed to leave me alone. That was our deal – I would come with him as his unofficial plus one if he would be around me the whole time so I wouldn’t freak out like I’m probably freaking out right now. I need to get out of here this instant or I will rip my own head off… Come on Chris! Where the fuck are you??"

Dom didn’t know why his body was acting the way it did. It’s like he lost all control of his bodily functions that were normally almost automatic. His breathing was thickening and increasing in speed, his head lolling from side to side. It felt like every muscle in his body was saying no to every command Dom was trying to send them. His body was going offline. His legs couldn’t hold up the weight so he collapsed on the ground with a thud. No one noticed, yet again.

"What is happening to me? It’s like I can still think almost completely normally but my body isn’t working… I didn’t touch the drinks at any point. I wasn’t drugged. I’ve been around Chris the whole time. This isn’t a panic attack, oh not even close. I can’t scream for help and nobody is noticing me, WHERE THE FUCK IS CHRIS GODDAMNIT!"

His breathing was turning more and more infrequent. His whole body was covered in a sheen of cold sweat and he shook like there was an earthquake happening inside him. Clueless of what was happening to him, Dom felt a few hot tears escaping his eyes that he was trying hard to squeeze closed. He knew there would be no one catching him cry, but he still tried to wipe away all signs of weakness.

 

**********

 

_“I asked nicely this time. I actually asked politely for help and you’re refusing?” Matthew frowned whilst holding his phone to his ear. He might have taken a few wrong turns and he might have gotten lost looking for a house that was packed with people and it was surrounded by cars. Not a bright start for him definitely._

_“You’ve just begun your mission. How is it possible that you need our help the first day, Matthew?”_

_He scratched his head trying to think of a good answer that wasn’t dripping with sarcasm. They were his employers after all._

_“Just this once, please? I know I screwed up right away but this could cover up for it. You have to use it. You absolutely have to! The insiders have been trying to contact me for the last half an hour with such hurry, I know something is going on… And if we don’t work fast the plan is useless!”_

_The line on the other side was quiet for a few long seconds. Matthew was trying his best not to think too much about what was happening and what he had committed to as this was not the best time to start thinking about the bad decisions you’ve made in life._

_“You’re very clever, I have to admit that, Matthew. It is absolutely certain you must be the approacher, not any of the rats we’re using.”_

_“So you’re going to do it? What I know is that he is pretty much freaking out in there and his friend isn’t anywhere near so if you do it now, I can get there in time. It’ll work, I swear.”_

_“We know it will work. But only if you get your ass in there on time. We’ll send you the location and start releasing the drug in small doses. You have to be in there in the next twenty minutes or your head will be rolling off your shoulders. Understood?”_

_“Absolutely, completely understood, sir.”_

_The same second the call ended his phone beeped as a sign of a new message. He opened the message containing the address to the venue and instructions on how to get there from the alleyway he was standing in._

_“Fuck, it’s like a kilometre away from here. How the hell did I get here? I parked almost right next to the street the house is in and I didn’t find it! Focus… Focus. Just focus on the main goal here. Focus!”_

_With the last ‘focus’ he started running as fast as he possibly could, keeping the text open to lead the way._

 

**********

 

Back at the party Chris was getting really worried. He had searched the whole house more than three times and he hadn’t seen his best friend anywhere. He had tried to ask a few people but in a party where no one knew who Dom was, in the end the effort was for nothing. Absolutely no one had seen the specific blond in question and that led into a whole lot of worry taking over Chris.

He was still pretty much sober after wanting to support his friend with not drinking heavily like everyone else. Despite his state of soberness, he felt extremely drunk. Getting blinded by the lights and constant sweat patches forming, thanks to the intense heat created by the crowd of overly drunk people jumping around shoulder to shoulder, wasn’t really an ideal situation considering his best friend was sort of lost.

He couldn’t see further than a few feet in front of him as people swallowed him in the crowd, leaving him unable to go find Dom.

“Move! I need to find my- Get your hands away from me! I need to-“

Chris was panicking when he felt hands on his arm, someone clearly trying to stop him from going anywhere.

“What are you doing!?” he yelled to make himself heard over the loud music.

The hands didn’t loosen their grip but instead held on tighter. Chris swore if the person squeezed a bit harder he would have bruises on his arm the next day and a lot of explaining to do to Kelly.

Chris turned around as much as the hands let him so he could face the person holding him. It was a young man with hair similar to Dom. It was a bit shorter than his friend’s hair but still completely comparable. The young man had a black jacket and black jeans which were also similar to what Dom was wearing for the party. He had a crooked smile plastered on his face, staring deep into Chris’ eyes with a look that could easily intrude his soul. Chris shivered to the man’s intense expression and looked away, his eyes now watching how the man’s grip grew tighter every passing second.

“Seriously, what the fuck dude? Let go of me!”

And just like that the man let go but his expression certainly didn’t change.

Chris was about to turn away from the weird person, but was quickly stopped by the man’s words. Though there was extremely loud music playing it felt like the man was talking right next to his ear. That didn’t seem in any way possible to Chris which made him even more creeped out.

“You can’t go find your friend, Christopher”, Chris heard being murmured right in his ear. It was like he was wearing earphones where the voice was coming from. “I’m not allowed to let you do that, Christopher. Do you understand?”

“No I do not understand what the hell you are talking about, so if you just let me get my friend and I’ll-“

“No.”

Chris furrowed his brows and looked at the odd man standing in front of him. What was he on? LSD? Mushrooms? Some weird mixture someone made in the cellar and sold it for a few quid? What the hell was going on?

“Why am I not allowed to go and search for my friend who is very likely freaking out by now? What wrong is in that? You don’t know me, I don’t know you. Just let me go and find my goddamn friend before he loses his mind okay? I have no clue where he is for goodness sake!”

“I’m afraid that is not your responsibility, Mr. Wolstenholme.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because someone else is there for that particular job and I’m supposed to stop you from getting to your friend so that certain someone finds him first.”

Chris blinked several times, not believing anything the man had just said. It all felt like an absurd dream, like a movie script or something.

“What stupid joke is this then? Are you trying to wind me up with this? Not working dude, sorry!”

“I don’t joke. This is the plan. This is what is supposed to happen. This is good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!
> 
> Sorry this has taken me ages to post! I've been really busy but I promise these really long gaps won't happen again, or at least not often.


End file.
